“unheimlich.”
i feel compelled to record an interesting thought that occurred today.
most of us, assumably, have dreams in which very common instances take place - a grocery shopping excursion, a visit to a friend’s house, playing sports, a talk with our parents, anything of the like - and there is never much weight put into these situations. more or less, they’re common and unimportant.
i relayed this description to my aunt today. i asked if she could remember any such dreams in which this occurred and if there was any dialogue or specific actions that she could recall. her recollection of the story was all i needed to parlay what i was getting at. the moments before that particular discussion had appeared to me in a dream before my visit to michigan. i knew the scene, i immediately knew it was somehow familiar - sitting on the porch, drinking wine, discussing a story in the newspaper with my aunt - it was uncanny, and like most uncanny situations, i was somehow alerted to this otherworldly presence that drifted amidst our conversation. i tried to follow what took place in my dream before that moment actually passed. i knew what she would say next.. something regarding a trial that took place yesterday. i knew what i was going to say next. i hesitated, thinking how it would sound coming out. i thought of what would happen if i said something differently… would it matter? is there some force keeping track? i thought about numerous implications before uttering the words. nonetheless, i still spoke those predetermined words. for no apparent reason, they spilled from my lips and it felt right. why did i continue to speak those exact words? was there an intrinsic fear of disturbing some unknown world order? whatever the reason, i thought about changing it, but my hesitation and contemplation resulted in that outcome. it’s the only time i’ve ever been able to familiarize myself with a “dream situation” and thought to do something out of that realm of fixed events before the moment passed and it wasn’t possible.. would that ability to intervene with the “natural” course pass once more?
the proceeding conversation of such dreams with my aunt took place seconds after. following my description and her concurrence, i bluntly asked (after stating how unusual this may sound): “have you tried to change what you would do or say, knowing what words or actions would take place ahead of time?” she simply responded, “no. i never felt compelled to do so.”
i kept thinking about it for a greater portion of the day (obviously, here i am writing about it at 4:40am) and what it meant. again assumably, i’m like most people and am utterly intrigued by dreams, but moreover, by their interpretations in our conscious lives. to paraphrase from a whimsical film i love, Big Fish, humans end up like icebergs. only ten percent of us are shown to others and the rest, the ninety percent, is hidden away. if the subconscious goes beyond natural sciences and remains a mystery to its own creators, there is obviously a great deal of creativity and wisdom to unlock within ourselves, even before looking towards others.
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